I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
