Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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