It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
