yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
