He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
