I just saw a hot homeless man
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
