you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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