Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
