i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
