i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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