she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
