I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
