The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
