I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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