considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
