Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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