He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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