Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
