New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
