Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
