hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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