Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
