omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
