just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
