i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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