i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
