According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
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I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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