Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
