WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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