is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
