Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
