He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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