I want to make a zoo with you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
