Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
