Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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