just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize