Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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