so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
