I just gift wrapped bread.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
