Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
