At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
