thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
