Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
