It's Friday. Sex?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
