you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
