Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
