Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
