just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
