I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize