Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
