Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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