she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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