Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
