i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I love you. Go after that dick
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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