Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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