You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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