Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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