Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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