Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
