forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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