I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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