OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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