Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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