heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
