I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
