Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
