If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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