They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
