I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
