i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The feeling are messing with the penis
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
