There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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