im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
