You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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